I should probably start at the beginning but that would make sense and right now nothing seems to make sense. I'm lost in a world of pain, frustration and sadness. I feel like I lost a part of me and I can never get it back. Yet everything I do is to try to get it back. I know, I'm not making any sense.
I wanted a baby so bad. Since as long as I can remember this was the most important thing in my life....the prospect of having my own little pride and joy. Well for a split second (okay a month or two is more accurate) I had my dream. And then it was ripped away from me and I haven't been the same since.
They said it should be easy to get pregant again and I believed them. But it has been 3 long months and we are still unsuccessful. I'm not sure how much longer I can go through this. I feel like this is all I think about, all I want, all I need. Yet this is causing so much stress and pain which everyone tells me is the worst thing possible if I want to get pregnant. They all say relax and it will happen. BUT they weren't there. They didn't have to feel that living creature inside of them when they gave the doctor permission to terminate the birth.
I know I had no choice. The doctor said it couldn't survive and the longer I waited the more I was at risk as well. BUT that doesn't make it any easier either. Bottom line is I have the only thing I've ever wanted and I had to give it up. How do you cope with that?
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